What does it all mean?

The idea for my project initially was to create artwork that was happy, it was going to be called a laughter project. With the lockdown and restrictions, we faced I didn’t have a lot of faces to work with. I settled on the idea of using my own image, self-portraits showing laughter. I consider myself a happy person, so I was surprised how my own mood affected the end result.

I started with three images of myself smiling and chose strong colours to paint on canvas boards. These sat on easels at the bottom of my bed. These faces were the last thing I saw at night and first thing I woke up to in the morning. I focused on the mouth to show the laughter and then when I was taking a break from painting, I worked on my digital art ideas. I had these images made up into 7 square 20 x 20 tiles. I thought they would be fillers on my wall of happiness. It was good to practice expressions and how they can build a smile. During my creative process I even produced a t-shirt with two mouths open over the chest. I found this project fun and enjoyed transferring my images to fabric to be worn. I thought of cheeky expressions and things that made me smile.

The project was keeping me busy, but my mood was really low and frustrated. The smiling faces became so ironic. Eventually it even felt as if they were mocking me! So much so, I turned them away from view as they began to annoying me. When I was feeling down, I created work that showed these emotions. I created many of these digital artworks as they uplifted me and I could use them as way to express how I was feeling. In the final stages I incorporated candid text and expressions attached to my feelings from that day. I created some in black and white and some in colour, my internal screams. I produced fifteen images and chose just three to show in the final project, I called them ‘Lockdown Mania’. These manic works showed contrast to my initial plan for the project. My hope is this section of the work would be for others to relate to, that they can connect with on some level and I could share on social media platforms.

My process in creating a laughter project is similar to my ongoing way of working.  I start with my favourite part, creating a line drawing. Then I make it digital using InDesign, photoshop or paint 3D. This allows me to have a cleaner drawing and I can duplicate or use in different projects or commercially in the future. I use 3D in order to map out what colours I should use in the final project. I enjoy digital apps to get the desired graphic line illustration to make it suitable to mass produce. InDesign and Photoshop make the initial bones for the work then Paint 3D fills in and colour my line drawings, bringing them to life.

For my final grand piece of the project, I decided to work large, a bigger project than I have ever tackled before. I created an image of my face drawn by hand then transferred it to digital design. I wanted to show the image as fragmented and separated to portray what happened to us all this year. I didn’t want the images to flow in alignment they needed to be displaced. Then I wanted to put the pieces back together again to show a new ‘happy me’. I used my projector on the living room wall and really enjoyed working to this big scale. I was excited where my process was taking me and decided to focus on everything I enjoy moving forward. On the boards I used acrylic paint, spray paint and posca pens. This was fun using mixed media artwork for myself to enjoy. I primarily used pink, yellow and blue. I thought about the iconic rainbow as it was a feature of the lockdown and found it appropriate to represent the rainbow in my artwork.

What does it all mean:

My objective was to create Happy Art, hence the bright vivacious happy colours. I focused on faces and laughter. As lockdown presented its challenges, I didn’t have other faces to study for the work so I chose to work with my own image. I was shocked to discover a new me. I lost my smile, entirely. It was difficult working alone and on a ‘fake smile’ it had a negative result on my mood. Feeling unhappy and frustrated these emotions came out in the self- portraits. I tried to capture the highs and lows of lockdown through my painted emotions. I quickly realised this was a necessary contrast to all the smiles. The highs and lows add a new depth to the work. I was hearing new words like self- isolate, restrictions, instructions to stay 2m apart. I thought about vaccines and how they are the hope for resolving this crisis. You have to look closely but I started using words in the work as it elevates the images. I feel strongly that they showed happiness can’t be truly felt until you have experienced the contrasts, melancholy and mania. This timeout from the smiles was cathartic. It enabled me to enjoy my art and ended up being therapeutic. I decided I needed to find my true smile. I got back to painting, I threw everything at it and went big with a big happy smile. Enjoying the colours and wanting to represent something big that happened to me. I thought:

“As the world broke down and we all separated, I broke down and lost my smile. Art made me find the pieces and put them back together again.”

This I showed in the deconstructed face. Fragmented, unaligned, through the process being brought back wearing a big smile. I’ve never needed art more in my life. It’s a celebration, I wanted to create an uplifting piece of work with the intention of hopefully helping someone. It helped me. I was grounded and happy. It was no longer work for University, it was my enjoyment and I realised the way I work, my process is a journey with myself and I can truly therefore call it happy art. Which is what lead me to calling the final project ‘Finding my smile’.